The Diablonian Mystery Part I
by losprophet
Summary: I do not own Diablo's I or II, or any of it's characters that appear on the game. I do however own the idea behind Jarsicore being a manish woman.


"Well hello there, I'm not surprised to see your kind here..." That's the greeting that the most noble paladin and his faithful sidekick barbarian type got as they entered first the Rogue Encampment. They didn't understand how they had found their way into the encampment surrounded by weak monsters and with only one exit, they just knew one thing; to level up, they needed to kill.

The paladin, known most of the time as Larry, had had a hard life before finding his way to the Rogue Encampment. It was so hard that he couldn't even remember it. He wasn't even sure how he had come about having a faithful sidekick barbarian type whos name also was Larry, though it was pronounced, Laury.

So off he went, Larry the paladin and his faithful sidekick barbarian type named Larry pronounced Laury following him. They exited the Rogue Encampment and Larry and Larry pronounced Laury went about destroying monsters. It didn't end really. They went on their merry way. They managed to slay all the zombies, porcupine thingys, and lacky red monsters who ran away when you killed something near them and eventually they moved back for the Rogue Encampment to figure out what they had to do.

"I am Akara, High Priestess of the Sisterhood of the Sightless Eye..." Blah, blah, and on she went.

"There is a place of great evil..." And so, finally they knew what to do.  
  
"Slay all the beasts in the Den of Evil. Sounds like a lovely place." The black paladin with an english accent named Larry said to his speechless but faithful barbarian type sidekick named Larry but pronounced Laury.

They made slow progress to the Den of Evil because both of their stamina bars kept running low. But they made it there finally and figured out how to lay low beasts that were higher level than them with really crappy starting weapons that sold for only 1 gold.  
  
As they always did, eventually all the monsters were dead, including the huge brown guys that could be taken out in about a hit.

"Evil be gone." The paladin said, acting as though he had slain all the beasts himself; which he didn't. His faithful sidekick barbarian type said nothing of it; of course, he couldn't really.

Larry the paladin made up a town portal which would only teleport people who were in your party, and both he and the faithful sidekick type barbarian made it safely back to town.

Then the manish-type woman who didn't look like a man who had mercenaries for hire spoke to them. Or rather, they spoke to her because she had an exclamation mark above her head and wouldn't stop greeting them. She told of a General in their army against evil who had been corrupted by Andariel, who was the big monster in this act, and who also needed to be killed.

And on it went, slaying beasts, getting levels. Yes, all was good and well for the duo. But then they recieved a quest that told them to go to the Stony Field after getting a scroll so they could find and rescue Decard Cain.

"Wait!" Someone who sounded barely like a woman and more like a man yelled at the duo. Only Larry the paladin looked back at his "stash" to see some sort of Witches Brew. No, it was actually a very manly looking woman who resembled a woman.  
  
"Yes? How may we help you good... Sir." The paladin responded.

"Right. I'm a woman. Anyway, where are you headed? Why don't you go there and send me a 'tp'." The manish woman said.

"And you are?" Larry the paladin said, completely ignoring his faithful sidekick barbarian type who was catching fishes in the lake but wasn't really because he couldn't.

"My name is Jarsicore, and I am a Dragon-Man." She replied.

"Right." So off went paladin Larry and barbarian Larry and when they reached the portal to Tristram they went into it and sent a town portal, or 'tp' back to the manish lady Jarsicore so she could help them with their fight against the craziness that is Diablo.

They slaughtered the demons who dwelt in the place that was the starting point of your adventure if you were playing Diablo I, but you aren't.

"What's this?" The manish woman Jarsicore asked a nearby Carver Shaman.

It responded by yelling and throwing a blast of fire at her.

"Well, you're not very nice. No, you're not! Goochy, goochy, goo!" The manish woman said before she could stop herself.  
In response the Carver Shaman resurected a Carver Demon and sent it after her.

...And down it went.

...And over to Jarsicore the manish woman frolicked Larry pronounced Laury, Larry the Paladin's faithful sidekick type barbarian.

He yelled and then kicked a kid's corpse.

The same kid who causes so much trouble for you in the game Diablo I.

The same kid who only had one leg.

The same kid who's other leg was a peg of wood.

The same kid who's leg accompanied by a Tome of Town Portal transmuted in a Horodric Cube granted you use of The Secret Cow Level, who's contents are obvious by the Level's name.

The Horodric Cube however, was not in either of the groups stash, or inventory.

"Hey, a leg." Jarsicore the oh-so-manly woman said to no one in particular.

"Excuse me, I believe that is my leg." Larry the Paladin said to the manly woman Jarsicore.

Jarsicore looked the "Holy Man" up and down, then her eyes rested on his legs.

"Well, I believe you're right." She said, her eyes fixed on his leg.  
"Huh?" Larry the Paladin asked, looking down at his own legs.  
  
...And away teleported Jarsicore the manish woman, her inventory now including none other than "Wirt's Leg".


End file.
